In my life, I’ve done some stupid things. Some short-sighted, fool-hardy, immature, fire-hazard, likely-to-be-sued-for-this things. But far more than doing things, I have planned to do things. I planned to learn how to knit. I thought about running a triathalon. I considered cooking dinner every night. I toyed with the idea of conning a group of raggamuffin children into hand-stitching ‘authentic’ Mexican leather wallets that I could sell out of my trunk at the OB farmer’s market. But, alas, all my thinking and planning and idea-ating never came to anything.
Benjamin Mays said, “Failure is not reaching your goal, but in having no goal to reach.” But clearly, he is an ignorant slut. It is way, way worse to have a goal that you loudly announce to your friends, something like, “MARK MY WORDS, I WILL SCALE MOUNT VESUVIUS IN A FORTNIGHT, AND WITH ONLY THE AID OF MY SPIRIT GUIDE, MOGISH.” And it’s way, way worse to make a big show of preparing for your goal; like walking around your house in full mountain gear, your climbing spikes leaving scratches on the hardwood floor. “Yup, I’m totally ready for this climb,” you crow to your friends. “I’ve even been eating Clif bars, ’cause that’s what climbers eat.”
And it’s way, way worse to have preened and squawked about your climbing goal for weeks and weeks and then on the day of the climb, decide that it’s MUCH more important to watch a re-run of Top Chef and drink a beer. Then you have to pretend like you never planned to climb in the first place. Your roommate keeps asking where he should put the oxygen tank you ordered, or the seven National Geographic Adventurer magazines you’ve allowed to stack up on the coffee table. And you have to act all nonchalant, like “What? Those aren’t mine. I’m into playing the drums now. I am totally going to become a drummer. “
Anyway, my point is that I’m kind of sick of being that lame person that always has a goal but never does anything about it. So when my crazy friend Jon told me about this thing called a “Mud Run“, I told him to sign me up. You see, I had been considering the idea of possibly getting into shape for some time now. The problem is, I was stuck in what Prochaska calls the “pre-contemplative stage”, as in, I was sitting on my couch eating a bean and rice burrito and contemplating the idea of contemplating getting in shape.
I knew the only way I could break this cycle was to just go ahead and actually sign up for something that, for better or worse, would force me into action. I figured having the Mud Run looming over my head like the Sword of Damocles would more or less force me into action. I mean, the prospect of having to run SIX MILES through a MARINE BASE OBSTACLE COURSE would make most people get off the couch, right?
Ah, but then you don’t know me very well. I signed up for the race on January 12th. It is now…March 8th. So far, my mileage is around 2.5 miles. Mother. of. God.
I have three months to get into shape. Like the kind of shape that allows one to walk around in public wearing bike shorts. I’m considering this my wake-up call. I’ll keep you posted.
I had was planning on visiting a friend and I had him sign me up for a 5K about two months in advance under the same logic. And, of course, I did nothing to train. I up running six blocks and then hurling next to a big tree. I finished though, next to last (http://www.bloomington.in.us/~running/results/2007/bloomingfoods5K_07.txt). Seven people walked the race faster then I “ran” it: including a 73 year old woman.